People Get Ready

Here comes the new year, a new dawn, a new day. Even accounting for some wiggle room I think we can say that, somewhat inconveniently, the world didn’t end.

My Kitchen

I feel like this is a metaphor for my life… everything’s pretty well functional, but it’s butt-ugly and no where near as organised or useful as it should be.

Since we’re all still here, it’s that time of year again where we consistently lie to ourselves about what we’re going to be doing in the coming twelve months. We all have dreams, hopes, secret wishes, and now is the time when the majority of us allow ourselves to entertain for a moment the glorious possibility of the perfect future for ourselves and our families.

In a perfect world, I want a number of things. I’m almost thirty and I have no career. For someone like me who spent their childhood being a chronic over achiever, that stings a lot. Through various life events, some of which were my own fault, others over which I had no control, I’ve found myself here. It’s not so much that I need a career for validation or a reason to exist, but I would like to feel I’m accomplishing something, and right now I don’t.

Two pregnancies have left me with a body I hardly recognise as my own. I’ll never look the way I did in 2001 again, I know that, but I still want to be healthy and a decent weight again. Getting rid of this muffin top which almost kissed my knees would be lovely too!

 

my poor little pen, how I love you, and how little light you see these days.

my poor little pen, how I love you, and how little light you see these days.

Being raised by a single father (who did a great job BTW) means that while I know quite a bit about guns and politics, I’m woeful at the simple (or more accurately ridiculously complicated) skills required to be a ‘girl’. I have little to know idea how to use my make-up (what little I have) and have no skin-care regimen other than ‘wash it occasionally’. I can’t dress myself in a flattering style to save my life, which never really bothered me before but now, as a grown woman with two infant daughters I can’t help feeling I’m missing out.

 

On the other hand, reading back over this, I just realised that in effect, what I’m looking for is to be pretty and successful… A wish I’ve always found amusing in the past. 28 is a little early for a mid-life crisis, isn’t it?

2 comments for “People Get Ready

  1. December 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I felt exactly the same way at your age (except I hadn’t had kids at that stage – my relationships had been abysmal). Things got much, much better. The key for me was to put myself “out there” and ask for what I wanted. As for being pretty – you’re 28! You are far more attractive than you think you are.
    Love

    • admin
      December 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

      I’ve got one more years worth of classes (with one class left over I think) until I’m finished with my undergrad degree, once that’s done I think I’ll have a bit more confidence and more of a card to play when it comes to the career business.
      As for love… I was lucky. Unbelievably lucky. I got pregnant with our first daughter when my husband and I had been together for about 3 months! That could have ended VERY badly, but 5 years later we’re married with two girls (and a beagle with no brain).
      I’m about 20kgs over weight these days – I have a whole suitcase full of clothes from before my first child and I can’t quite bring myself to admit that I’ll never fit into them again…

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